Embracing Uncertainty.

Sometimes, we don't really know what will happen to us in the future because of all the circumstances that occur in our lives. We can pretend all we want, be happy, and keep on smiling as if we had a wonderful time and life, but the truth is we are not feeling it deep down in our hearts.

I might try this and that, have this and that, be this and that. I've tried my best. I'm drained, and I am on the verge of throwing away things I love the most. I can't say I am proud of what I have become. I don't think I am doing well in my life, but alhamdulillah, I am still alive, and the Creator still loves me with all my flaws. I need a change, and I need it fast. I am tired, and I guess life is full of surprises. I hate surprises, but I can't be hating life, right?

So what should we do with these kinds of feelings? Should we just ignore them, address them, or acknowledge them as a sign that we are all human?

Malaysia Day

Assalamualaikum. Good morning brothers and sisters. Hopefully everyone is in good health and happy. Nothing much to share here. Cuma lately ni, I don’t feel so good but nothing in specific. Just a sore kinda feeling but tak ada lah sampai numb. Anyway, I’m still thankful that I’m alive and I’m sure this feeling will end soon. 

Happy is a very subjective thing to say and aku pun tak pasti aku happy ke tidak sekarang dengan apa yang aku ada. Cuma realitinya, barang itu ini mahal. Perit juga sekarang. Letih dah memang letih. Maybe I just need a long rest to reset my mind back to happiness mode. Maybe. But overall, aku bersyukur aku dibesarkan di Malaysia dan bangga hidup dalam bangsa yang berbilang kaum dan agama. Satu saja pesanan aku di pagi hari ini, maafkan diri sendiri walaupun kita tahu dunia ini tidak adil. Move on, live your life.

Selamat Hari Malaysia. 16 Sept 2023

Chocolate day.

I don’t feel good today. I don’t feel good yesterday. I don’t know if I’m going to feel the same for tomorrow.

Aku rindu bapak harini. Aku pun tak pasti kenapa tapi hidup memang perit sikit sekarang. Kerja tak buat aku bahagia macam dulu dulu. Kerja makin hari makin mengarut. Masa jadi makin suntuk, tido dengan hidup makin tak terurus. Call me stupid, call me an idiot. Memang sekarang aku tengah jadi bodoh. Kadang aku rasa dah habis positif dah aku fikir. Tapi kalau orang bangang takda integriti yang kena puji, yang kerja bagai nak mati hanya dapat komen negatif dan maki, patut ke aku cari jalan penyelesaian?

Harini hari sedih. Hari tak happy. Hari murung aku rasa sebab aku tak boleh nak rasa bahagia. Takpelah. Aku mungkin kena fikir masa depan aku sekarang. Banyak betul benda aku nak kena fikir rupanya. Degree entah kemana. Kerja tak habis habis. Simpanan pun tak ada. 

At least aku sedar aku tengah bodoh. Kau?

Selamat hari coklat sedunia. Coklat pun ada pahit dalam manisnya. Sama juga dengan hidup kita.

November

Mixed feelings towards the end of 2021. Hopefully I'll get what I need soon..

Lots of love 🧡

2021 minus four months

I don't know what I'm doing with my life in 2021. I can't travel anywhere. I can't hang out with my friends for a cup of coffee. Paling jauh pergi, mungkin Sabak Bernam. Kita hidup bersempadan daerah, terasing negeri. Dulu tak terasa, boleh kemana mana. Sekarang, nothing much that you can do and you have to live with it.

I can't say that I'm not affected by it. I can't find the right words to describe the feelings. Sedih tu, ada. I've wasted two years of my prime age. Happy? Well maybe I'm happy with the career growth and development despite having most of the time juggling multiple tasks assigned. I don't know. Personally, not really happy. Workwise, mixed feelings.

Honestly, I'm tired. Tired of waiting for the Covid19 to end. I tahu, takkan end. But I'm hoping the numbers will decrease soon. 20k daily, that's messed up. Hopefully, FTTIS can curb the virus. Tak pasti government still implement this method or not. Entah. Dah letih ambil tahu.

My second dose is in a month. Let's see if I'm feeling better during that time. Stay safe, be good. Jangan kena Covid, kalau tidak I sedih. Take care.

Feelings that I have

You've said that you understand me, but the truth is you don't. If you truly understand me, you won't be sharing things that makes me dwell in sadness and feel awfully stress.

I'm tired of understanding others. 

I'm tired of all these unnecessary stories..

2020

2020 is a year that I must remember for the rest of my life.

Full of emotions and mixed feelings.

Living with all these feelings, it is hard.

Sometimes, silent is the best answer. 

Most of the times, you just need to think of one good memory in order to smile.

A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever.

Thank you for keeping me alive. I must be grateful and live happily.

Another half to go. Hustle. Hard.

Last quarter of 20 nineteen

I was about to type in my personal entry here then I received a work related text message. I guess being a leader is just something that you can't quit, ever. It seems easier when you look at the paycheck but it becomes harder when you can't split between your personal life and your work life. I don't think I'll be able to put aside my work and not think about it during weekends/public holidays. Why? Well, I'll be receiving all these texts and questions but it's okay. People is communicating their issues and plans with me. All is good.

Basically, September is here right in front of us, on the calendar like it always been. It is hard for me these days because I have a lot of expectations. I can't seems to block it out from my system, my brain. I am amazed if you are able to do a mind blocking on expectations. Today, I feel a bit low. Not sure why, but I guess it is related to expectations. You can't control it, right? Well, if you can, just go on and live. You have a wonderful life already.

Sometimes, life is easy then it gets hard then it gets rough then it gets better then you are just thankful to god for keeping you alive. Yeah. Life is a fight. You have to keep going no matter what happen in your past.

I guess I am affected with the test given out to others too. It is hard not to be affected especially when you love them a lot, when you care for them so much. It's hard. Well, nobody said life is easy.

The fight is real so suck it up and face the world. I don't think I am ready now but soon enough, insyaAllah..

💗

Quarter of 2019

Sempat type tajuk saja. Lepastu jadi draft. Lepastu lupa. Basically, life is good. Kot. Hectic schedule, lots of thinking and brainstorming. Hopefully masih ingat goals and dreams yang dah semat dalam dada dalam jiwa dalam planner bagai semua le.

Pendek kata, busy. Weekend pun dah takda nak huha hihi tido scroll itu ini.

Summary as below, gittew😚

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Tired

Life is so hard nowadays. Sesak dada apatah lagi minda.

Why?

Why must you come back into my life?

After begging to be left alone

The sadness is real
And so are the goodbye
Be good, live well

Changes

Dah masuk last quarter of the year.
Banyak benda berubah dalam hidup aku walaupun orang tak nampak.
Banyak benda aku belajar walaupun orang kata itu ini.
Hidup kena ada perubahan. Kan?

Nobody knows, nobody cares
Whether you live or die in pain..

https://youtu.be/_srxdL4ogq4

Do You Know

Kalau kata satu hari nanti
I pergi dulu sebelum you
Sebelum kita dapat jumpa
I nak you tahu satu saja
I dah maafkan semuanya
Maafkan I juga ya
I nak you bahagia
Andaikata you tak gembira
Tidurlah dan tunggu esok pula
Nanti lama lama
Mesti you senyum semula
You kan pelupa

Saranghae oppa 💙

Dah suku pertama, rupanya.

Assalamualaikum!

Annyeong 😊

Rasa macam nak kena buang sawang dulu kot. Lama dah tak cerita, kongsi rasa.

How is everyone? Me? Good good. Alhamdulillah dengan apa yang aku ada.

Selamat tahun baru 2018. Selamat hari jadi. Selamat berbahagia bagi yang jumpa bahagia. Selamat bertabah bagi yang sedang menderita. Selamat hendaknya untuk semua.

Dah April. Suku pertama tahun baru yang penuh drama, sampai aku nak sum up pun payah juga rasanya. Well, banyak ilmu banyak pengalaman, banyak monolog dalaman, banyak brainstorming, hmm mostly banyak perkara-perkara yang bikin pecah kepala.

Rant is so yesterday. Aku dah penat nak rant itu ini. For now, aku lebih focus untuk esok, lusa dan jika ada seterusnya. Ada banyak lagi nak kena kejar atas dunia untuk bawa ke syurga. *amin*
Sementara masih bernyawa.

Satu saja aku nak tanya. Apa definisi kejayaan bagi kau? Semua orang nak berjaya. Banyak benda boleh buat untuk capai kejayaan. Apa yang buat kau yakin kau dah berjaya dan bila kau boleh decide yang kau tergolong dalam golongan yang berjaya? Sebab aku rasa susahnya nak berjaya. Adakah kejayaan datang bergolek atau cuma singgah dalam mimpi aku seperti selalunya saja? Fikirkan. Jumpa nanti kita sembang deep sama sama.

Semoga hati dan hari kita kekal murni ❤️

Sementara pun jadi le, janji kita usaha.

Death

Lagi seminggu dah nak puasa. Time flies so fast. Getting older, getting wiser.

One thing yang aku sedar pasal diri aku. My weakest point is definitely death.

I just can’t handle the rush of sadness when I think of death.

Maybe, that is why, I’m better off alone. Yeah.

Innalillahhi wa innailaihi rajiun.

Al-Fatihah to those who have left us.

 “A heavy burden on the hearts of those they love the most” – Russian Roulette

Lazy Sunday

Annyeong. Lama aku tak bercerita dekat sini. Been busy working, living.

Dalam sebulan lagi, akan habis first quarter of 2017.

I have been to Seoul. I have my own room now. Well, things have change but not that much.

Mungkin, hidup aku perlukan perubahan. There's a struggle for me to put up a smile nowadays. Aku malas nak lepak. Aku prefer duduk rumah. Aku lebih selesa seorang. For now, I guess.

Macam apa yang aku plan, now I'm currently busy updating my resume. 4 years passed by so a lot of changes need to be update accordingly. I don't have much to say when it comes to work. Training and working, I'm in the phase that I'll just do what I have instructed to do.

I am doing my best to live a great life. I am trying hard this round. I really hope it turn out well.

I guess I need to find a new hobby. Maybe I should try running or maybe walking. I hope I'll take care of myself in order to be healthy and fit. I'll finish up my resume first. Move on from my current job, meet up new people, challenge myself to be better.

I'm talking about myself. I have no interest to please others for now. The time has come and kindly pray for me if you are reading this.

Kamsahamnida. Fighting!

Keep working working don't stop

I couldn't be bothered is currently my fav line to say if someone asked me on my career.

Work is something I'd rather not discuss. Office is the last place I want to be at.

Basically, I'm really tired of all the dramas and shits.

So, kita planning sesiap cari job lain k.

Have a nice day folks.

ya, bosan.

aku rasa, aku dah mula bosan dengan tempat keja aku.

almost 4 years, aku baru nak rasa bosan.

baru nak rasa.

tipu lah baru. kan.

09/05/16 Isnin

Kalau boleh lari dari kehidupan sekarang, mungkin aku dah buat.